Funny Humor on HumorPoint
Funny Humor on HumorPoint
Funny Humor on HumorPoint

The Perfect Quote

 Smart Presentation Humor, Smart Jokes, Smart One-Liners

Taking a Business Call at Home with Kids

         Ray Romano

The best way to start a speech: "I'm going to make this quick."

      Robert Bostick       

The difference between having an entrepreneurial idea

 and executing it, is the difference between

 looking at the moon,

 and getting there.

 Robert Bostick

I made a friend request to this guy on Facebook and he

never replied to me. I don't know what his problem is?

I mean, I don't even know the guy.

Robert Bostick

With the coronavirus, ‘Stay in your Lane’

has been updated to ‘stay in your pajamas.’

Robert Bostick

I don’t think it’s an accident Zoom contains the word Zoo.

Robert Bostick

People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.

Unknown

I bought a pair of shoes in my dream last night

and yet, when I woke up, I didn’t have them.

It worked out though, because I was going to

return them anyway.

Sally Baack

I don’t think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses. The

whole time the guy was chewing me out all I could think was,

"I should cut my bangs."

Bonnie McFarlane

I was depressed all morning. Then a friend called

and said she lost her job and her husband,

and that made me feel a little better.

Amy Foster

Funny Humor on HumorPoint

There is a store in my neighborhood called Futon World.

It makes me think of a magical place

that becomes less comfortable over time.

Demetri Martin

Golf is a game in which a ball - 1 ½ inches in diameter

- is placed on a ball - 8,000 miles in diameter.

The object being to hit the small ball...but not the larger.

John Cunningham

Loving to play golf is par for the course.

Robert Bostick

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Al Boliska

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

Ray Floyd

   Why do water bottles have an ingredient section on the label?

Unknown

Corporate leaders today have

gone from big thinkers

to gig thinkers.

Robert Bostick

Now is the most difficult time to invest.

Unknown

Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten

million dollars are no happier than people with nine million.

Hobart Brown

1st World War

2nd World War

3rd World War~ming

Robert Bostick

All in favor of conserving gasoline, please raise your right foot.   

Anonymous

Hotels today reserve parking spots for electric cars in front

and make gas cars park in the back with all the smokers.

Robert Bostick

"I wish they would just call the news, 'What's wrong.'

"Hi. It's six o'clock. Here's what's wrong."

Demitri Martin

When someone rings the doorbell,

why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

Unknown

If I pass away in my sleep, just know that I died doing what I love.

Matt Ruby

I used to fear tall people. Now I look up to them.

Unknown

I don’t mean to brag but

I finished my 14-day diet

in 3 hours and 12 minutes.

Unknown

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Funny Humor on HumorPoint

Nurse to Patient with bleeding head: "Your name?"

P:"John."

N: "What’s your Birthdate?"

P: "February 23, 1970"

N: Are you Married?"

P: "Oh this...No no, it was a car accident."

Unknown

I had a cactus once, but then it died and then I got sad,

cuz it made me realize...that I was less nurturing than a desert.

Demetri Martin

There are no Chocolate Anonymous because nobody wants to quit.

Unknown

I got a job at an amusement park.

I liked to make the rides more terrifying by

throwing a few screws onto the seats.

Emo Phillips

Everyone uses Virtual Reality.

 They're called dreams.

Robert Bostick 

Life usually requires that we pay for our mistakes.

What you are going through now is that payment.

Gordon Livingston

LONLINESS

Robert Bostick

You can always tell when a man's well-informed.

His views are pretty much like yours.

Bob Hope

There is always an easy solution to every human problem

--neat, plausible and wrong.

H.L. Mencken

Things do not change; we change.

Henry David Thoreau

I don’t like money actually, but it quiets my nerves.

Joe Lewis

JEALOUSY

Robert Bostick

Today is Get to Know your Customers Day...

"There is nothing left to learn." said your Amazon Echo.

Seth Meyers

Funny Humor on HumorPoint

Want to tell a joke?

The key is to pick a smart joke with a great punchline.

But where would you find one?

Here.

Six 'Question' Jokes

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says

"Who shot my paw?"

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels.

Why can't an Engineer tell a joke timing? 

I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in?

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

You get your dog back, your wife back, 

your house back and you sober up.

Web MD

Something that makes a mild cold into

a deadly disease within 24 hours. 

Unknown

Poster on Neighborhood Tree 

LOST: black and white dog, blind in one eye, half of right

ear missing, no tail, limps. Answers to the name of Lucky.

Unknown

We can put a man on the moon, but we still call the sky the limit.

Unknown

 

When we say Glass Ceiling, we mean Men.

Women

“I was depressed, Doctor, so I tried to kill myself

by taking a thousand aspirin."

“What happened?”

“Well, after the first two I felt better”

Gene Perrett

Anagrams are words that have the same exact letters

Listen = Silent

Elvis = Lives

Debit card = Bad credit

Dormitory = Dirty room

Stressed = Desserts

Dog = God   

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Steven Wright

 

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. 

Day 2: Everyone thinks I’m an idiot.

Steven Wright

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?

Steven Wright

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Steven Wright

You need your body to function well to be productive at work.

Your job is to keep it fed, rested and motivated.

Robots don't need any of that.

Hence their appeal.

Robert Bostick

The two most powerful phrases in the English language are,

“Good News,” and “You’re Right.” The reason is simple:

It's good news topped by even better news.

Robert Bostick

Life is simply what our feelings do to us.

Honore de Balzac

Funny Humor on HumorPoint
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Without creative people this world would be

as unimaginative as you can imagine.

Robert Bostick

Your sense of humor. Don't leave home without it.

Don't come home without it either.

Robert Bostick

Women create and give birth to all our leaders,

our doctors, our scientists, our entrepreneurs,

our teachers, and every president.

It’s truly a woman’s world.

So why do men run it?

Robert Bostick

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Today's growing homeless problem is tragic and heartbreaking.

Especially knowing that for every homeless person

living in a box, there's an appliance living in a home.

Robert Bostick

Be grateful for what you’re not going through.

Sam Harris

The only way I've found to really wallow in self-pity

is to not hear anything about other people's lives.  

Robert Bostick

We’re not all equal as far as wealth, race, gender, or age;

but we’re all equal in the opportunity

to be astonished by our existence.

Robert Bostick

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